By Karen Morgan
Relationships
Date Night
The best way to handle a child’s temper tantrum in public is to:
- a. Give him whatever he wants because people are staring;
- b. Take away her favorite toy;
- c. What child? That’s not my child.
While many of us would opt for “c,” temper tantrums do happen. So as a parent, you need to be prepared…
What is it?
A temper tantrum is defined as “a fit of bad temper.” Just like children, they come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They can involve spectacular explosions of anger, frustration and disorganized behavior: crying, screaming, kicking, falling down, flailing about, breath holding, or even vomiting. Whatever the action, your child is simply “losing it.”
What ages?
Tantrums are common among children aged 18-36 months, but usually tail off by the time a child turns four. Tantrums decline as children develop more effective ways of handling bad feelings and communicating their wants and needs. Tantrums can continue, however, even into adulthood, if they become a reliable way for your child to get what he wants. So make sure that you don’t reward tantrums, even by accident.
Why?
Believe it or not, children don’t tantrum just to annoy you. Tantrums are how children deal with frustration and disappointment. Tantrums are more likely to occur if your child is stressed, tired, being denied temptations, are over-stimulated or hungry. The key is to identify what may trigger your child’s tantrum and make a plan to avoid it.
How to deal?
Prevention:
The best way to deal with temper tantrums is to prevent them from starting in the first place. Tired, hungry and over-stimulated children are more likely to throw tantrums. So be aware of how your child is feeling.
Your child will likely give you several clues that he or she is hitting the limit and is gearing up for a tantrum. Is she whining? Is he hungry? Is it past her naptime? Have you just been to one store too many? You know your child, so only you can best predict when he or she is about to lose it. If the warning signs appear, do what you need to do in order to prevent the tantrum — feed your child, distract him or her with a new activity, or just go home.
Response:
While the best course of action is always to prevent the temper tantrum before it starts, there will be times when, despite your best efforts, your child decides to impersonate a screaming Yeti in a store. What do you do?
Have a plan:
Know ahead of time what you will do in
case of a tantrum. Thinking it through ahead
of time will make it easier to implement the
plan when the bombs are dropping and the toys
are flying.
Stay Calm:
When a tantrum occurs, stay calm. If you get angry, it will inflame
the situation and make it harder for both
of you. If you need to speak at all, keep
your voice calm and level, and act deliberately
and slowly. Keeping your voice level and controlled
while you are disciplining your child will
help him or her to understand that you cannot
be manipulated. Having a plan for what to
do when your child tantrums will make it easier
for you to stay calm.
Wait it Out:
Once a temper tantrum is in full swing it’s
too late for reasoning or distraction. Your
child won’t be in the mood to listen,
and you run the risk of teaching your child
that tantrums get your full involvement and
attention. So wait until the behavior ends
before discussing anything. You may choose
to wait it out in the store or dump the cart
and run to the car. Make sure that there
is no pay-off: Once your child begins to throw
a temper tantrum it is very important that
you do not give in to his or her demands because
it will set you up for a pattern of more temper
tantrums. Set firm boundaries in the beginning,
then calmly but firmly stick to your guns.
Be consistent:
Consistency is the key to dealing with
tantrums. Be consistent with your discipline
no matter where you are. Do not give up your
right to parent simply because you are in
public.
Don’t Worry About Appearances:
Ignore the disapproving glances of onlookers.
They either have never had children or it
has been so long since they had a young child
they have forgotten what it’s like.
If they continue to stare, offer to come
over to their house for a visit.
Remember to…
Praise your child when he or she manages frustration well. Always reward good behavior. Accept that you cannot control your child’s emotions. You can only keep your child safe and do what you need to do so that tantrums will be less likely to occur in the future. Accept that it will take time for change to occur. Your child has a lot of growing up to do before tantrums become a thing of the past. Keep your sense of humor! Above all else, remember to laugh (even if it’s later).
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