By Karen Morgan
Manners
Start ‘em Early
What is the most frightening fact for a parent to learn about teaching manners to their kids?
- a. 5-year-olds can belch louder than most adults.
- b. 2 year-olds enjoy throwing food at the table.
- c. Kids learn most of their manners behavior, good or bad, from their parents.
The answer is “c.” Scary, huh? From infancy, babies are tuned in to the way their parents interact with them and others. So your behavior becomes a model long before you see its effects. Your toddler is too young to understand fully the values behind polite words, but teaching him to say “please” and "thank you" has many long-range benefits in helping him to become a thoughtful, considerate, well-mannered person. (Source: Judith Wagner, Ph.D.)
How soon should you start teaching manners to your child?
Beginning at age 2, Please and Thank you are magic words that can be understood. Beginning at Age 3 or 4, Courtesy and Respect are good lessons. Basics that can and should be taught at an early age include:
- “Hello” & greetings
- “Please”
- “Thank you” & “You’re Welcome”
- “Excuse Me”
- “I’m Sorry”
- Wait for others to finish speaking
- Respect for older people
- Respect others’ privacy & belongings
- Be quiet in public places
- Get along with siblings and other children
(Source: Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette (Doubleday))
Children as young as 4 can begin learning Basic Table Manners:
- Wait to begin eating until your host (or parent) says it’s ok
- Use the appropriate utensil
- Use your napkin
- Compliment the cook
- Don’t complain if you don’t like something
- Don’t talk with your mouth full
- Remember to say please & thank you
- Offer to help clean up
(Source: Emily’s Everyday Manners By Peggy Post & Cindy Post Senning, Ed.D.)
The Golden Rule of Parenting:
Always behave the way you want your children
to behave.
They will learn most from you!
Be a model of good behavior. Greet people with a handshake and a smile. Remember to say “please” to the waitress or “thank you” to the salesclerk. Try not to interrupt others, including your own kids. Don’t talk with your mouth full. Compliment the cook, especially if he or she is your spouse or partner. And, when you aren’t sure what to do, be respectful, considerate and honest. Your kids will learn from your example.
Helpful Resources
Books:
Please Is A Good Word to Say
By Barbara Joosse
(for preschoolers & early grade-schoolers)
This book is fun to read to young children. The narrator is a young girl who reminds us to:
- Say “Please (but not too many times in a row, because that’s whining.)”
- Say “Thank you (it makes everyone happy)”
- Say “I’m sorry.”
- Say “Excuse me.”
- Say “Hello” & “May I help you?”
- Compliment others.
She also says, “When someone asks a question or says hello, you should answer them back” and “when someone else is talking, you should be quiet until they finish.”
Emily’s Everyday Manners
By Peggy Post & Cindy Post Senning, Ed.D.
(for ages 4-7)
A colorfully illustrated book for young readers that discusses the Magic Words (Please, Thank you, You’re Welcome & Excuse Me); Polite Table Manners (wait to begin, use the appropriate utensil, use your napkin, compliment the meal, do not complain about food you don’t like, don’t talk with your mouth full, say please & thank you.) and other everyday manners. This book also reminds us that using manners is more than remembering magic words and table manners. It is being helpful, kind and friendly.
Emily Post’s The Guide to Good Manners for Kids
By Peggy Post & Cindy Post Senning, Ed.D.
(for ages 8-12)
Helpful discussion for older children (ages 8-12) about words (spoken and written); home (family, table manners); school (classroom, lunchroom, bus); playing (parties, sporting events); public places (malls, hospitals, worship); travel (planes, trains, restaurants, camp, subways, etc.) and other special occasions (weddings, funerals, coming of age celebrations).
Smart Girl’s Guide to Manners – the secrets to grace, confidence and being your best
By Nancy Holyoke
(for preteen & teen girls)
Part of the American Girl series, this book is geared primarily to preteen and early teen girls. It has colorful illustrations and presents the information in a clear and understandable form. It covers everything from first impressions to sleepovers, table manners and special occasions. Highly recommended by my pre-teen friend, Samantha.
A Little Book of Manners for Boys
By Bob and Emilie Barnes
(for boys)
This book is geared for boys but covers the basics as well. It contains a lot of information in only 32 pages. It also includes a “Coach’s Corner” on each page with examples.
Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour
in Company and Conversation:
a Book of Etiquette
By George Washington
Williamsburg, VA: Beaver Press, 1971.
(historical)
Written by our first President sometime before his 16th birthday, this list contains 110 rules of etiquette. Some still apply today:
Rule #5 – “If You Cough, Sneeze, Sigh, or Yawn, do it not Loud but Privately; and Speak not in your Yawning, but put Your handkercheif or Hand before your face and turn aside.”
Rule #6 – “Sleep not when others Speak, Sit not when others stand, Speak not when you Should hold your Peace, walk not on when others Stop.”
Rule #7 – “Put not off your Cloths in the presence of Others, nor go out your Chamber half Drest.”
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