By Karen Morgan
Relationships
Date Night
Children are ...
- a. The greatest thing that can happen to you;
- b. Angels sent from heaven;
- c. Gaping holes of need.
The answer is all of the above. But “c” is the inspiration of this month’s YGBKM. By nature, kids are “gaping holes of need.” That’s their job. Our job as parents is to attempt to fill them. But that monumental, all-consuming task can leave us feeling drained and without time left for our spouses, partners or ourselves. So smile people! This month is for you!
Make Date Night a Priority
Make time to be together with your spouse or partner to talk about things other than the kids. Reenergize the feelings that brought you together as a couple in the first place. With our busy schedules, it may seem daunting to carve out time without the kids. Here are some suggestions on how to make it happen:
It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive…
You don’t need a fancy meal in an expensive restaurant; you just need time together without the kids. So grab some beverages and head to the nearest hill to watch the sunset. Go for a walk. Give each other a foot massage. Drive around and listen to old music. Look at the stars. The best things in life are free, including time together. But the rewards are priceless.
But you do have to be alone…
You can’t take the kids with you on date night. Develop a relationship with a babysitter you trust. If you can’t find one, exchange babysitting nights with friends who also have children or create a babysitting co-op. Grandparents make wonderful babysitters. Encourage your children’s relationship with them while having some time to yourself.
Put it on your calendar…
Schedule date nights well in advance. Having it already penciled in and the babysitter scheduled makes it much more likely to happen. So get out your calendar and commit to some dates. Sign up for a class together. Go to a museum. Go to the Dairy Queen. Just go. Sign up for season tickets. If you’ve already paid for seats at a concert, theater or sporting event, you’ll feel committed to an evening out.
Show your children a happy relationship…
As parents, we are the model for what a good spousal relationship looks like. Show your kids that marriage and/or partnership is important enough to invest some time and creativity. They will learn how to have healthy relationships later in life because they have been taught to give a relationship the respect it deserves.
At some point, your kids will leave…
If you work at keeping your relationship with your partner strong now, you won’t have to stare at each other and say, “Huh?” when the kids are grown and off to college or work. Invest now for that inevitable future.
Single Parents Need Date Nights Too
If you are a single parent, you still need to make date night a priority, even if you are not dating anyone. As a single parent, you are the plate spinner rushing from stick to stick keeping each plate spinning and aloft. Keep those plates spinning by taking care of you.
Get a babysitter (see above), then go do something that is just for you: Go to dinner with friends. Go to a movie. Spend some quiet time in the library. Have a pedicure. Take a class. Take a bubble bath. Exercise. Do whatever you need to do in order to relax and recharge your batteries. And don’t feel guilty about taking time for yourself. Your kids will have a more balanced and fun parent when you get home.
Time By Yourself
If you are married or in a committed relationship, you also need time by yourself. If you can’t find alone time during the day, trade nights with your partner so that each of you gets an opportunity to get out of the house once in a while. This is a perfect opportunity to take a class, learn something new, or improve on something you already enjoy. Your children will learn that parents are also individuals and that there is more to them than just being Mom and Dad.
The bottom line is that you, as a parent, need to invest in yourself and in the relationship with your partner. Being a centered and happy parent is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child.
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